Talking About How You Feel: Practical Steps From NHS Every Mind Matters

Talking about how you feel is one of the simplest wellbeing habits, and one of the hardest to start. The NHS Every Mind Matters service publishes a short practical guide to choosing who to talk to, starting the conversation and feeling more confident about it. This article summarises that guide. It is general wellbeing information, not a substitute for professional support, and it points to the routes the NHS itself lists for people who want to talk to someone other than friends or family.

Why talking helps

The NHS says talking about your mental health may feel tough, especially when feeling down, worried or anxious, but that talking to someone about how you feel can help you see things differently and find a way forward. It also makes a point that is easy to miss: good mental health does not mean feeling happy or positive all the time, and everyone has ups and downs and can feel stressed or worried sometimes. When those feelings start to affect everyday life, the NHS says it could be a sign that support is needed, and that recognising when you are struggling is the first step (NHS Every Mind Matters, “How to talk about your mental health”).

Step 1: Choose who to talk to

The NHS suggests starting by thinking about who you can talk to, and taking a moment to list a few trusted people on a phone or a piece of paper. That might be a friend, family member or colleague you are close to, or you might find it easier to open up to someone you do not know as well. When you have decided, let them know what type of support you would like, because they may ask questions or have needs of their own. The guide adds that not everybody will be able to give the support you need, and that if someone cannot, you should not take it personally: there could be many reasons why they are not ready, and it can help to look again at who else you might talk to.

Step 2: Plan what you want to say

Before talking, the NHS suggests taking a moment to think about what you want to say. Writing down a few thoughts on your phone or a piece of paper can help, and you do not have to say everything at once. It offers a simple way in: “I have been feeling [stressed/worried/anxious] and I just need someone to talk to.” For someone who does not know where to begin, a short sentence like that gives the conversation a start without needing a full explanation.

Step 3: Choose the time and place

The guide says choosing the right time and place can help. Some people find it easier to talk while walking, in the car or while doing something like cooking, which can make the conversation feel more natural and take the pressure off eye contact, which some people find difficult. Talking on the phone can also help. It suggests having the chat when both people have time so it does not feel rushed, but it also says not to let finding the perfect opportunity put you off. That last point matters, because waiting for an ideal moment can turn into not talking at all.

Step 4: Start the conversation

Once you have chosen someone, the NHS suggests telling them what you need from the conversation: you might want advice, support or just someone to listen, and it is okay to say which. It suggests inviting them to ask questions, because conversations go both ways and the other person may value speaking to you too.

Step 5: Keep talking and use useful tools

You do not need to say everything in the first chat, the NHS says, and you can agree to talk again. It also points to online tools for extra support, including the free Mind Plan quiz, in which five quick questions produce a plan with practical tips to help deal with stress and anxiety, improve sleep and feel more in control. The guide closes by saying that talking about mental health gets easier and more comfortable the more you do it.

If talking to someone you know is difficult

The NHS says that if talking to someone you know is difficult or not possible, you can speak to your GP, or find a GP if you are not registered, contact Samaritans, or get help from NHS 111 online. These are the options it names on the page, and they are worth noting down before they are needed.

Putting it into practice

• Write down two or three names of people you trust.
• Draft the opening sentence in your own words, using the NHS’s example as a guide.
• Pick a low-pressure setting, such as a walk or a phone call.
• Say what you want from the conversation: advice, support or just listening.
• Agree to talk again if the first conversation feels short.

Talking is one of several habits that support wellbeing. Our guides to loneliness and social connection and everyday self-care habits cover related ideas.

Questions readers often ask

What if I do not know what to say?

The NHS suggests planning a few words in advance, and offers a short opening sentence naming how you have been feeling and saying that you need someone to talk to.

What if the person I choose cannot help?

The NHS says not to take it personally, as there are many possible reasons, and to consider who else you might talk to.

Does talking mean something is wrong?

The NHS says good mental health does not mean feeling happy all the time and that everyone has ups and downs. It says talking can help you see things differently and find a way forward.

The bottom line

The NHS’s guide breaks talking about your feelings into small steps: pick someone you trust, plan a few words, choose a time and place that feel comfortable, say what you need and keep the conversation going. If talking to someone you know is difficult, it names the GP, Samaritans and NHS 111 online as other places to turn.

Sources

• NHS Every Mind Matters, “How to talk about your mental health”